I could give you love

Every woman wants to be loved, yet we are picky about from whom this love is given. Sometimes we yell for the hottest kisses and the coldest quarrels in the rains; sometimes, we want peaceful and romantic love, slow and beautiful, stable and safe; sometimes, we just want someone who understands us, who could talk with us in the middle of night, with the dim lights on and the Serenade from Schubert.

It's easy for me to fall for one man, maybe his voice, maybe the smile, maybe the scent, maybe the eyes, and maybe the touch. But I find it so hard to sustain the relationship.

With the man I love so much, the feelings are so strong that I almost lose myself in it. I worry too much. I think too much. I anticipate too much. I give too much. What's he doing? What does he like? What should I do to make him happy? What kind of woman attracts him the most? Am I good enough? The whole concentration becomes the man and I never think about myself. I could be a confident and attractive woman all by myself but I lose them all when I am with him. Worried, just worried.  

With the man who loves me so much, I feel satisfied, protected, warmed, cared, and most of all being mostly loved. I love the feelings when the man cares about me too much, he almost panics. He might be too worried, just as I do when I love someone too much. I might laugh a bit, care a bit, smile a bit and hug him a bit. I might kiss a little and have some nice easy night time. I would feel like in the season of spring when the sun is not too strong to burn the skin and the flowers are just near the blossom. Everything is quiet, warm and easy. He will notice my every tiny tiny emotions, happy, sad, frightened, scared, lonely or simply sentimental. He will notice because he cares so much. Yes, the worries are gone, but as well as the strong and intense parts of a relationship. I might miss, just a bit, the urge to rip off his clothes the moment when we open the home doors, the temptation to kiss like an animal, and the desire to make love all night long. I miss loving someone so hard that I almost hurt myself.

Could you give me the love I want? But seriously, what is the kind of love I really want for my entire life?